- From the other one.
“ I am writing this post in third person just so many people can relate
to it but this will always be my words to you, on your birthday. We both live
in two different sides of the world. We both will reach mid 20s soon. So I
decided to tell you how my 22 years was with you and I think I’ve mentioned
this before but here it goes again, “You had 1.5 years of your life without me.
You survived and enjoyed it. But I don’t have that experience and yet my life
is great, with you in it! J Happy Birthday!””
^ I can’t believe I just double quoted myself there. It happens when the
focus is more on expressions rather than writing. Anyway, it is almost the end
of 2015. Probably many of us are in the phase of re-thinking about how this
year was. Good or bad, at new years’ eve we are happy to have survived it and
eager in making the next one better.
I have lived 22 years of my life being involved in tons of things. One
such important thing would be to have been in almost many steps that my elder
sister left behind. The age difference was too less to see the difference as we
grew up. The many steps started from having a first birthday too immediate
leaving very little guests for the party, in my case a party that was
forgotten. Whenever I start my story with this it is hard but to not imagine a
sad ending, let alone guessing that I have always been number two. This of
course will be followed by being a prey to sisterly comparisons. Let’s be true
to that and blame it on the human brain. It is difficult not to compare two entities.
In fact, most of the time only during these situations you learn to be the
best. I had my own experiences and it is important that you never let any of it
baffle you. I think parents must make sure of it, I’m glad mine did.
Throwing another condition into the long spoken sibling situation is a
perfect consequence, or as it turned out to be which I think is because of
genes. My sister was the star studded talented girl in doing things including
education. Was and still is. After having learnt so much about genetics I am
not surprised of this situation because our mom was the best, which has now
been passed on to my sister. It is unfair if I don’t mention her own efforts.
Of course I fell short of efforts and epigenetics (where individual genes can
be altered based on environmental consequences). The situation here was that I
was never compared, but I was clearly not even brought into conversations.
Maybe I was ineligible to even be spoken of in an academic environment. I was
pathetic in my own ways and had issues that were resolved later. The truth is I
never cared so much. Third person conversations have never mattered because
even from a very small age I realised that every situation I had to deal in
school, among friends and the real world comprised of only me and no one else.
You fight your own battle and it almost never matters what a spectator thinks.
What mattered was when me and my sister sit down to do our homework and there
she was, always helping me. That was enough and that’s all I remember. I wouldn’t
feel bad to recommend someone to talk to her on topics I solely think she would
be the better one to answer. I still go to her with my issues. This is the case
most often. The so called sibling rivalry never arises in your own house, it
emerges out of how other people see and think of you.
We both differed in our personalities. A lot of our mutual friends would
vouch for that. She had exceptional talents in delivering things that were of
importance to a majority, not just education. A shining creativity and
noticeable perseverance. I have had people walk up to me to ask if I felt too
little of myself. If I was over shadowed. Let’s consider a family party
situation, a typical evening where the mothers discuss the accomplishments of
their children. It is natural that my sister had passed a recent exam with very
high grades and my mom talks of it proudly. I kind of scrape through a pass
percentage and no one speaks of it. I don’t understand why this shouldn’t
happen. This is how the world works everywhere. No one talks of low grades and
below average. These days even the one who finishes second is unattended. So I
would just sit back and relax and do what my mom does, tell everyone whom I
meet about how awesome my sister is. Over the years I have had long
conversations about why she is best at what she does. Sometimes I even come off
as the proudest sister than the proud parents. I am still in awe with the way
she handles things and her approach with immense courage.
I know sisters, who even in their mid-40s fail to have a good
relationship because it had withered away in the first two decades when you
establish yourself in the world. It is such a vulnerable age and your life
changes so rapidly that it is easier to feel small or big. It is hard to just
be reminded of what matters. To consider everyone above you as an inspiration
rather than competition will result in learning so much during the process
until one day when you realise that you’ve been going only higher with every
passing day. All of a sudden you see yourself being mentioned in topics of
conversation, approached for opinions and proudly spoken off. It is because
after a certain point in life priorities diverge and it becomes hard to find
similarities and comparisons. If you still catch people finding those little
things to compare, I’d consider them stalkers because it needs a great deal of
investing time. And do we live our lives based on opinions from stalkers? No.
I don’t get to meet my sister very often these years. We have been busy
with our own lives. But if you happen to catch us in the same room then you
will see her speaking about her own sources of inspiration, opinions that
matter and her views on life. That leaves me in awe and respect, the same
feeling I had when I was probably just four years old! The way I see her is
still the same but the words that surrounded us has changed exceedingly.
Because to me we are sisters and to everyone else she was an obedient girl, a
parent’s ideal daughter, a topper, a gold medallist and a doctor.
What your sister is to you is all that matters. Don’t let words that
travel only through air ruin the best relationship you could possibly have!
Forever thankful,
Swetha
Picture courtesy: The Happy Page
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